The Dumper or the Dumpee?

The question that is now on your mind may be: Why does it matter who causes the relationship to break up? Well the simple fact is that there is a share of the blame for the demise of any relationship. There may be more of a share that falls on one person than the other, but there is almost NEVER a 100%:0% split as far as responsibility for a separation goes. However there are several factors that play into a relationship from the perspective of the dumper, the person that is breaking up the relationship, and the dumpee, the person that is being dumped that have a major effect on the relationship and the break up. From the perspective of both parties, there are several aspects of a relationship breaking up. First is the relationship and the dynamic of it. Second is the actual break up. Third is finally moving on.

The first thing to think about when there is a break up is the relationship itself and the dynamic of that relationship. For example, what did both parties have in mind when they first got together. Many relationships are simply casual, friendly relationships. This mean that they each hand around in the relationship until it is not fun anymore. For some of the more shallow cases that are out there, this means when the sex becomes boring, the company stale, or the longing for greener pastures comes surfacing. A "break up" of a casual relationship like this one is usually a mutual agreement, but if one person mistakenly expects something different than casual dating with his or her significant other, there may be broken hearts in the near future. Tip: Before the relationship begins, set your expectations. If the other person is looking for something casual, count on that being the case. Making the relationship into something you are not when it comes to relationships is not a good thing to do. Know yourself. If this is too tough of a decision to make or if this is too tough for you to do because you are not the "casual" type, the best thing for you to do is avoid this type of relationship.

If on the other hand you are ready to settle down, also make these types of intentions clear to your potential significant other. If you don't set out the rules before hand, it may lead to confusion and hurt later.

Another thing you can take a look at from both perspectives is the actual break up itself. As was mentioned before, blame can usually be place on both parties of a relationship. Irreconcilable differences, infidelity, and loss of interest are all factors that can trigger a break up. From the perspective of the person who is dumping his or her significant other, the break up of the relationship may simply be something that he or she has an issue with him or herself over. Many times when a relationship fails, it is because one or the other or both of the parties has unresolved problems to deal with that make a relationship very difficult. If you have so many things to work on yourself, it is often very difficult to focus the time, energy, and dedication that it takes to make a relationship work. Tip: Before you end the relationship

Finally, part of any relationship's break up is moving on from it afterwards. This is one of the most difficult steps to breaking up that happens. It is so difficult because the dumpee usually feels sad, angry, and depressed over the ending of the relationship. In many cases, the dumper does not feel like any other way will work to resolve the problems in his or her life. By moving on in a healthy way, the separated loved ones are allowed to go through life with a new start.

As you have seen, there are many different facets from many different perspectives of the end of a relationship. Blame can never TRULY be assigned in one direction or another. As hard as it is to let go of a relationship, the best thing to do is to pick up the pieces of you and try to move on the best you can.